Scattered Thoughts
I've been back from Africa for just over 7 weeks and I still am unsure of what to feel. In one way it feels like I was just there and in other ways Africa feels like such a long time ago - even though it wasn't. Since returning, it's been extremely challenging. I've struggled with a lot of guilt over spending money and how we live in Canada. This has consumed me. It's extremely challenging finding the balance between living in our western culture and living in a way that is honouring to our Father and the children in Africa, but hey I asked God to continue challenging me right? I've asked God to continue to break my heart for the things in Africa, but also for what is happening here in Canada. Returning home, I've found it difficult because my heart would love to still be in Africa and I hope to return in the future yet God has been challenging me to trust in Him. Trust that He has placed me in this season of my life for a reason. Trust that He knows exactly why He has called me home right now and He knows exactly when He will call me back. Trust that God will never leave me nor forsake me and trust that God is holding my kids in the palm of His hand, abounding in love, grace and mercy. God has promised me that I will be back in Africa and so I clutch that promise to my heart and trust, just as Abraham did in the Old Testament.
It is a challenge thing, trying to figure out how to tell my story because some people want to hear lots and ask lots of questions, but the majority simply ask.."how was your trip" and then expect me to answer that in 1-3 minutes and then move with my life. I feel like its expected that I would've been finished processing in 2 weeks and then move on with life, but that's simply not how it works. Africa has destroyed me in the most amazing way possible and will forever be something that I process and think about how it can be applied to my own life. It will forever capture my heart and be something that I think about on a daily basis. It will forever be something that breaks my heart and challenges me to live a life that is pleasing to our Father and that honours Him in every way. I don't want to simply adjust to this western culture and accept it. I want to challenge this way of living in the way that I act and the way I live out God's Kingdom Culture here in Canada.
I'm not going to say that being back is easy because that would not be the truth. It has been more challenging in certain areas that I didn't expect to find as difficult. I think one of the most challenging things has been fitting back into family life. I know that I've changed and I'm not the same person that I was when I left and I know that God has transformed me but it can be tempting to fall back into the old way of doing things, but I refuse to let that happen. As much as it is challenging, I know that God has changed me and that He will only continue to do so. God has not finished with me yet. My journey has only begun and I am excited to see what God is going to do next. I've realized that I need to have more grace with myself. I need to have grace and understand that I am going to make mistakes. Simply being in Africa and having God transform my life doesn't make me perfect. What did do, is make me realize who I am in Christ and the person that I strive to be. God is good and His grace is new every day. If God can show grace and we are called to become more like Christ, should I not try and show the same grace to myself and the people around me? It's a learning process and I will never get it completely right, but I know what I want and what I want is Christ and to become more like Him, regardless of where I live.
I apologize for the mixture of thoughts but this is just a fraction of what I have been experiencing and these just some of my randoms thoughts. I'm going to keep this blog going because its healthy for me and when I go back, I will already have a blog up and running - one last thing to do :) It also allows you to stay connected with my journey. I'm going to continue to post stories, more photos, and more of my thoughts. God Bless!!!
If you would like to know more or hear stories, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would be thrilled to share about my kids, the children of Africa and the hope that God is bringing to some of the most vulnerable people in the world. God is changing lives and I feel excited to be apart of it.
It is a challenge thing, trying to figure out how to tell my story because some people want to hear lots and ask lots of questions, but the majority simply ask.."how was your trip" and then expect me to answer that in 1-3 minutes and then move with my life. I feel like its expected that I would've been finished processing in 2 weeks and then move on with life, but that's simply not how it works. Africa has destroyed me in the most amazing way possible and will forever be something that I process and think about how it can be applied to my own life. It will forever capture my heart and be something that I think about on a daily basis. It will forever be something that breaks my heart and challenges me to live a life that is pleasing to our Father and that honours Him in every way. I don't want to simply adjust to this western culture and accept it. I want to challenge this way of living in the way that I act and the way I live out God's Kingdom Culture here in Canada.
I'm not going to say that being back is easy because that would not be the truth. It has been more challenging in certain areas that I didn't expect to find as difficult. I think one of the most challenging things has been fitting back into family life. I know that I've changed and I'm not the same person that I was when I left and I know that God has transformed me but it can be tempting to fall back into the old way of doing things, but I refuse to let that happen. As much as it is challenging, I know that God has changed me and that He will only continue to do so. God has not finished with me yet. My journey has only begun and I am excited to see what God is going to do next. I've realized that I need to have more grace with myself. I need to have grace and understand that I am going to make mistakes. Simply being in Africa and having God transform my life doesn't make me perfect. What did do, is make me realize who I am in Christ and the person that I strive to be. God is good and His grace is new every day. If God can show grace and we are called to become more like Christ, should I not try and show the same grace to myself and the people around me? It's a learning process and I will never get it completely right, but I know what I want and what I want is Christ and to become more like Him, regardless of where I live.
I apologize for the mixture of thoughts but this is just a fraction of what I have been experiencing and these just some of my randoms thoughts. I'm going to keep this blog going because its healthy for me and when I go back, I will already have a blog up and running - one last thing to do :) It also allows you to stay connected with my journey. I'm going to continue to post stories, more photos, and more of my thoughts. God Bless!!!
If you would like to know more or hear stories, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would be thrilled to share about my kids, the children of Africa and the hope that God is bringing to some of the most vulnerable people in the world. God is changing lives and I feel excited to be apart of it.
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