My Musings

After 13 months of serving in Africa, I will be returning home to Canada. It will be a huge time of transition for me as I adjust to living back in Canada and as I start attending university to complete my social services diploma. As I contemplate what going home looks like and my feelings about that, I wrote in my journal my thoughts, my tears, my prayers, my joys, and my laughs from this past season of my life. I wanted to share an excerpt of my thoughts as I begin this next season! 

As I begin to think about going home and as I start packing up my life I don't think the fact that I am leaving has hit me yet. Even though I had my big goodbye this morning, I don't think its hit me that in 4 days I will be on my way to Johannesburg - leaving the place that has been home for the last year - and then on to Zambia. I don't think its hit me that in 4 weeks time I will be waking up in my room back in Canada, thousands of kilometres from the my home. I wonder what are the things that I will cry over? What are the things that will trigger memories? What will I be involved with from the Canadian side of Hands at Work? How will my heart ache for the place that has captured my heart? What do people expect of me once I return? Yet what I've come to realize is that my home is not a physical place. My home is with Christ. He is my home. He is my comfort. He is the one that holds me when I fall and when I cry. Yes I have physical homes around the world  but my true home is with the creator universe who knew me before I was born! How amazing is that? 

Africa, despite having a sacred place in my heart, challenges me. I have been challenged to think differently about the world, about myself, about others, and about God. God has revealed more of himself to me through the broken, the vulnerable, and the family at the HUB. Returning to Canada, I see the world through new eyes. My perspective has changed. My perspective of my Father has changed. He is not just a God whom I praise because I have to or simply because I gave my life. It is more then that.  He is my Father whom I desire and long to draw deep into relationship with. He is my Heavenly Father who loves me more then human comprehension. He wants me and desires to bring me close to Him. I want to be close to Him. 

I am challenged in the way that I interact with others. The way that I show grace, love and mercy. When I decided to come to Africa, I didn't realize the impact that it would have on my life both emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I didn't realize the healing that I needed from my own brokenness and past wounds. I didn't realize the way that God would use the children, the care workers, the primary care gives, my family to help healing and to help me grow. When I came to Africa I did not have a good relationship with my mom. I never thought that in a million years we would be friends, because of the past wounds and hurts that were said and inflicted by both sides but in particular by me. Yet God has showed me His grace and that despite it all He loves me and wants me. My mom and I have received healing in our relationship and that is one of the things that I am most thankful for. I go home, not just to my mom, but to one of my closest friends and confidants. I am thrilled that I can call her my friend. During this year, I have been stretched and challenged more then I could possibly imagine and I am so grateful for that. I don't want to stop being challenged when I go back to Canada. I want people to continue challenging in my walk with Lord. I want people to continue challenging me in the way that I interact with others and the way I continue to live out the Kingdom culture in my own backed. 

I am not the same person that I was when I left and my past certainly DOES NOT define who I am. I am a child of God who loves and desires her Father. I am adopted into the Kingdom of Heaven. 

As much as going home is going to be one of the most difficult things that I do, I wait in expectation to see what the creator of the universe is going to do in my life. He has such big plans for me and am excited to see what He has in store. I was listening to a song by Hillsong called Christ is Enough and the words of that song ring so true in my life during this season of goodbyes.

Christ is my reward 
And all of my devotion 
Now there's nothing in this world 
That could ever satisfy 

Through every trial 
My soul will sing 
No turning back 
I've been set free 

Christ is enough for me 
Christ is enough for me 
Everything I need is in You 
Everything I need 

Christ is my all in all 
The joy of my salvation 
And this hope will never fail 
Heaven is our home 

Through every storm 
My soul will sing 
Jesus is here 
To God be the glory 

I have decided to follow Jesus 
No turning back 
No turning back 

The cross before me 
The world behind me 
No turning back 
No turning back 

Read those words and let them sink deep into your heart! God is enough for me! I am willing! I have decided that no matter what happens and what storms or difficulties I go through, God is my one true love and I am apart of the Kingdom of Heaven! Heaven is my Home! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fZ-tBR7LJ0 

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