Hello and Goodbye

The main question for me this trip has been "Why?" Why are people living like this? Why was I born where I was? Why does little Ernest- who did nothing but live his life to the fullest - lie in bed because he got meningitis and is now paralysed? I visited his home... my heart breaks for this child of God that cries because he is in so much pain.. his mom was abandoned by her husband and was left to take care of five children with one being so ill, and Ernest lies in bed, literally skin and bones because he can't eat properly.  Why do many kids go to bed with empty stomachs - that may not get filled for days- and I sometimes go to bed with a overfull stomach from having food in so much abundance. My heart longs and desires to know the answer and somehow make all the pain go away, but God is sovereign and he has a plan to make all things right one day. What I told this dear little boy as he lay in bed staring at me with his big beautiful eyes was that he is loved, he is treasured and he is known by the God Almighty. A God who knows him and his suffering and is not ignoring him but instead cares deeply for him and loves him terribly much.  A God who loves and treasures all of his children, despite what anyone says.  

I met a little girl named Anna, and although I love all the children, she has a extra special place in my heart. I love her so much. She is 10 years old and is so beautiful. We were in the community of Maranatha for seven out of the nine days. She would always hold my hand, and when she went off to play she would go fetch another child that she trusted to come and hold my hand.. like a place saver. When she came back the child would leave and she would resume her place holding my hand. Eventually when our bus would drive in she would call out my name... Celine, Celine. How blessed and privileged did I feel that I got to meet and connect with this beautiful little girl and that she remembered and called out my name. She didn't want any other child to hold my hand, and although I want to connect to other children, she felt a connection with me that she didn't want to let go of. How wonderful is it that we can go in and let the poorest of the poor know that they are worthy, they are loved, and they are treasured. 

Again I've noticed how much joy the people here have. Despite everything that they don't have they have so much joy. One of the care workers in Maranatha was Mary. We all called her smiley Mary because she always had a smile on her face. What a beautiful smile she had. Always smiling and laughing. Just happy and thankful to be alive. Whenever we went on home visits and asked the family that lived there if we could pray for something, the main response that we received was, "what could I ask for, I have everything I need." How can that be? That despite everything that we think they don't have,  they wouldn't ask for anything, they are just thankful for the things they have and the day that they have been blessed with by God. The care workers sang to us on our last day in community as a team that is. Their voices are incredible. I think that's what angels sound like. The voices so full of joy, love for God, celebration. I am so blessed and grateful to have met and gotten to know these men and women that serve and walk every day to honour God and do his will. 

I loved my two weeks with the family here but they are back in Canada now enjoying the rest of the summer while I am here in Africa during their winter, which to be perfectly honest, doesn't really feel like winter. Coming with my family was a very special way to say goodbye. They got to experience Africa once again, but they also got a taste of what life will be like for me in the coming year and they got to make sure that I was settled before they left. Saying goodbye to them was probably the hardest thing that I have ever had to do. Watching the bus pull away from the farm without me on it was heart wrenching. I felt abandoned, alone, and the thought.. well what am I going to do now... passed through my mind on more then one occasion. I was quickly welcomed into the hands family with open arms, as we went out for lunch to celebrate my new hands sister Ashley's birthday and then went out for my birthday the following day. It was my birthday on Sunday. I am now 19 and officially legal. 

However despite all of that joy, anticipation, longing to learn more about God and grow with him in Africa,  there is still a hole in my heart. I miss my family and getting to see them everyday, but despite all the sadness that I feel right now I know that God has plans for me in Africa. That I am here for a reason and that God has called me here on purpose. I am saying hello to a new part of my life, and saying goodbye to another part of my life for now. One of the girls that volunteers with hands as well said to me that what she recommends that all volunteers think about that are missing their families is remember why it is that they came to Africa. I came to love the children, to bring hope to those that have no hope. I come to let the children know that they are worth something and that they have a purpose on this earth.  That they have known and loved by a God who knows them by name and knows how many hairs are on each of their beautiful heads. To encourage the care workers in the work that they are doing with the children. That what they are doing isn't for nothing. They are changing the lives of these children, one at a time even when it doesn't seem like it.  I so admire these men and women who give of themselves so freely even when it seems that they have nothing left to give. So that's why I've come to give of myself and serve and love the most vulnerable even when it's hard. I get scared sometimes,  I start to doubt myself and my capabilities, but then I think of the children and the care workers that I love so dearly and it all becomes clear. This is where I am meant to be at this point in my life and even when it gets hard, God is here and is walking this journey with me. Always one step ahead of me and my human ways. 

Joshua 1:9 says " Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." So this is my prayer for this year. That I will not be afraid, nor discouraged, but that I will learn to trust God with everything that I have, and let him do the planning, cause he is much better at it then I will ever be. That I will continue to stand with arms wide and heart abandoned, in awe of the one who gave it all, and ready to give all that I have to the God who gave it all to me. When I'm interacting with the care workers and the children, that I will be fully present and giving of myself to them when they need me. That in every struggle, every joy, every laugh, every learning opportunity and every cry that God would be present throughout those moments. Continuing to show me his love and continuing to teach me things so that I may learn more and grow in faith to be the women that he has created me to be.All the glory to God the father. 

If you have the chance.. listen to the song kings and queens by Audio Adrenaline. It clearly explains my love for the children and the care workers. It explains in a very simple way why I am here. 

Just so you know.... I saw a dead chicken today with its neck cut. Not the prettiest sight in the world. Prag tried to convince me to kill one... Never!